I really don’t write about marriage all that much, probably because it just seems so personal and involves not just me but a whole other living adult, that I feel it’s hard to write about from just my perspective. Sometimes too, I think I’m afraid to write about it because I truly don’t want to make anyone feel bad if they are struggling in their marriage.
But I’m realizing that I can’t NOT write about something out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings. I mean, of course I want to care for others. I have friends with hard marriages, and I love them and encourage them and cry with them and for them, and feel heavily burdened with them. I pray, pray, pray. And if maybe that’s you, my heart goes out to you. Marriage is hard and sometimes excruciatingly messy, and I feel an extreme amount of empathy for you if you are in a really bad place right now.
Today though, I want to share about my marriage a bit. Because it makes me happy, and we’ve just recently passed the 15 year mark and I think it’s worth celebrating and writing about. This thing called marriage is a big deal, and I don’t want to gloss over it.
Most days I can’t believe I’m married, and then on top of that, I can’t believe my marriage is so good, when it seems like all we hear about are marriages breaking up everywhere we turn. Does it ever make you feel almost embarrassed that your marriage is lasting, and not just lasting, but good? It’s sometimes so hard to tell others about the joys we experience because we know that others are suffering.
But it’s good to share good things, right? It’s not always about protecting those that are hurting, because then we wouldn’t be able to talk about anything. Then I couldn’t talk about fun things my kids are doing out of fear of hurting someone who’s child is suffering from cancer. Or the opposite, someone might not want to share their sufferings out of fear it might make others feel guilty that their life is going well.
Hopefully we can all share about our own lives and love each other enough to feel compassion for those that are suffering, and rejoice with those who are celebrating. And surely we know that nothing lasts forever, so perhaps the suffering ones will soon be celebrating, and the joyful ones may soon be crying.
Anyway, I think good marriages should be mentioned and celebrated, not like braggy braggy clap clap clap, my marriage is better than yours, type of thing. But just an honest sharing of how it is, in the hopes that it can encourage others, and also to give testimony that good marriages are possible, and are hard work at the same time.
Luke and I were high school sweethearts–we’ve been together since 1994. That’s over half of my life, friends. I think it’s safe to say that we know each other pretty well, and that we’ve seen each other grow up. I mean, we were just kids when we met!
Yeh, we’ve fought.
I’ve We’ve cried ourselves to sleep, we’ve gotten more annoyed at each other than we thought humanly possible, we’ve snickered, we’ve gotten rudely sarcastic, I’ve we’ve walked out of the room in the middle of an argument, we’ve let the sun set when we’re mad (not often, but I can’t say it’s never happened). We’ve disagreed about parenting techniques and about home maintenance, we’ve argued about safety standards and about who’s job it is to lock the doors at night; we’ve rolled our eyes at each other and sighed at each other. I’m just keepin’ it real, people.
But juxtaposed to all those sinful, rude moments, we’ve multiplied that by a million with sweet walks and talks and hand holding, insider jokes, praying together, goofy pranks on neighbors, amazing parties, serving together, growing in doctrine and changing our views on the church together, we’ve made four babies together (one tiny little one is in Heaven).
We’ve hugged and kissed and protected each other, we’ve stood up for what we believe together in the face of people who don’t agree, we’ve cooked and cleaned and worked side by side, we’ve talked through problems until the middle of the night, we’ve laid awake dreaming aloud about the future, we’ve traveled and enjoyed new sights and tastes and sounds together, we’ve laughed until we cry together.
We’ve communicated honestly with each other and loved and prioritized our relationship and our friendship, to where we can say hands down, just like we did when we married each other, that we are each other’s best friends and that’s that.
We’ve made so many memories together I could start a whole new blog and still not be able to write them all down. But mostly we love each other more than we did when we got married, and we’ve been committed to our vows every single day we’ve been married. We’ve made tons of mistakes and said some pretty mean things, but we’ve experienced the sweetness of forgiveness that strengthens relationships, and the sweetness of the love of Jesus that teaches us daily how to love each other.
We are no textbook marriage, but what does that even mean? We are thankful for each other and loving our marriage. We got married young and immature, and are truly growing up and old together.We have work to do and ways to grow, but all in all it’s been a heck of a good ride, and I couldn’t be happier with what we have.