I feel like I’m coming up for breath after being under the water for a very long time. It’s not like I’ve been drowning or anything, but I honestly haven’t felt this busy in a long time. Truly the last two weeks have been somewhat of a whirlwind, full of amazing events, but also full of tension in my heart and surprises in my home.
Naomi and Joshua and their crew left today, and we squeezed in one last Saturday morning breakfast and a soccer game for good measure. Then they were off to buy final items for their trip home, and I was off to buy a washing machine in the midst of carting my way too old eleven year old daughter to talent show practice and a piano competition…yes, one of the amazing things that happened this week is that Amaleah is now 11, and because I can’t believe this I still find myself telling her how to hold her pencil, when I really know we are beyond that now (old habits die hard). But one of the not-so-amazing things that happened this week was that after stuffing my washing machine full of dirty towels, alas it decided it just wouldn’t turn on this time. And since this has happened off and on for the past few years and Luke has been trying to get me to buy a new washer this whole time, and also since banging and hitting it and shaking it didn’t do the trick this time, it seems a new washing machine is in order.
As if it wasn’t bad enough, Luke went out of town yesterday, and since I’d rather not wait til next Thursday to wash my mildewing towels and since I’d rather not go out and buy everyone new undies, I had to for the first time in my life go buy my own washing machine. I’ve never made this kind of decision on my own before. But we’ve been doing research for the last two years, and I texted a friend for her tips, and just went and bought one.
But that’s not the end–my A/C also gave up this week, and honestly the story kind of matches the washing machine story except it’s been the A/C man gently telling us that our unit is way too old and really fixing it isn’t going to do much good. Who knew we’d be out this many thousand of dollars come the end of April…and do I want A/C before my husband gets home? If I do, that will truly be a record–me buying two major home appliances in the same week on my own…
And then there’s always stuff going on inside my heart in times like these–we can be busy on the outside and our heart can be busy on the inside…thinking about other things, things like how to best pray for my sister-in-law as she heads back to Mexico, how to make things right between friends, how to explain what being drunk means to my four year old when he asks (seriously?), how to tell my daughter God is Real and to calm her heart when she worries, how to just laugh when my oldest is singing a song with the word “whiskey” in it and to not freak out…
But mostly, I’m learning that I can depend on God even when I feel alone or am alone. It often puzzles me why it seems like things like this happen when Luke’s gone, and I think for me it’s that I need to be trusting and leaning on the Father. Sometimes it does feel like life is squeezing out my breath, and sometimes my heart is weary with things and I feel like I can’t stand at all, but then I can fall into His arms and find rest. He doesn’t demand me to fix myself up before I head over to Him for peace or help…He wants me as I am; He can take my weary soul and He can pour into my heart His grace and rest.
I may not have my husband next to me to lean on when times get tough this weekend, but God wants me to run to Him first and not to replace Him with even an amazing person! He wants all of me, and how sweet that is.
So tomorrow starts a new week, and what a blessing that we can start it worshipping the Lord with the church. I just hope that tomorrow morning when I’m fixing my coffee, a fly doesn’t fly out of the sugar bowl when I open it (that’s just no way to start a day, and yes, that happened to me this morning…)