Why Millet and Quinoa make me eat huge bowls of ice cream…

I just bought a new cookbook called Whole Grain Mornings, and I’ve been experimenting with some recipes this week. I’m feeling very lame when it comes to breakfasts lately, so I was hoping it would energize me with some healthy ideas to serve up for my kiddos before school (kids can only survive on frozen pancakes-on-a-stick and waffles for so long). Of course, whole grains often take more than 30 minutes to cook, which should have been a clue why this isn’t the book for school moms, but I can improvise, usually. So far I’ve made hazelnut muffins, a great dry pancake mix, and a breakfast cookie, all of which call for lots of crazy grains and flours that required two extra trips to Whole Foods and more money than the recipes are worth, not to mention not-so-rave reviews from the kids (except for the pancakes, those are great).

But I digress. The point of this post is to have it out with millet and quinoa. Why does everyone go on and on about these grains, especially quinoa? Really! Every time I open the bag of quinoa, the little tiny complete-proteins-that-they-are constantly wiggle and pop, and I’m always feeling like any minute a spider or quinoa bug is going to jump out at me. Next, it smells. It smells like earth (and I’ve already confirmed that I don’t like the taste of earth, every time I’m faced with a beet, or dirt…) And since millet was on the list of “new grains in my pantry,” I decided to try a (googled) millet chili last night which was no doubt due to some weird lapse of consciousness. So, put quinoa or millet in a chili, what do you get? Bean mush.

When I got home from the long Wednesday afternoon of piano lessons and opened the crockpot of millet chili and took a bite, I whispered to my husband, “I really don’t think I can feed this to my family…” And of course the kids overheard, everyone gathered around and had to try a bite, and we all had our mutual moment of gagging. But alas, my husband in his amazing-husbandly-fashion says, “Just serve it with tortilla chips. It’ll be fine.” And lots of sour cream and cheese. So I did. But not without promising everyone, including myself, huge bowls of ice cream for dessert.

For one literal second I thought about turning the leftovers into burritos, but then I woke up and dumped the whole thing down the drain.

Grains have their place, but really people, have you actually tasted quinoa? Or millet? There’s a reason why millet is commonly found in bird feed.

And we are all out of cookies and cream ice cream.

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